If Wishes were Cheap-shots
by Fiona Fargazer
Summary: Orangusnake gets his wish that Mao Mao would be gone forever when he catches him off-guard in order to humiliatingly punch him down a waterfall. With everyone believing that Mao Mao is dead (or beaten forever) soon enough, Orangusnake is able to steal the Ruby Pure Heart, but the cheap-shot of his victory begins to make him feel guilty, and Mao Mao is secretly very much alive.
1. Chapter 1

JMJ

If Wishes were Cheap-shots

Chapter One

"Ramaraffe, c'mon, girl! Let's show 'em the upgrade!" shouted Boss Hosstrich.

"Oh, boy! My new ultimate attack!" said Ramaraffe happy to be of use as Hosstrich grabbed her head and started firing machine-gun-like pellets out of her mouth while he pulled on her ears.

The battle raged. Emotions were high in a struggle of sweat and strife.

…Or at least, for one side this was true. For Mao Mao and his friends it was just a slightly longer exercise with the Sky Pirates.

"Let's see…" mused Badgerclops coming to a stop once he had blasted Ratarang, Ramaraffe, and Boss Hosstrich up into the air.

After a crash in the distance behind the woodland, there echoed a faint call, "We're okay!" but Badgerclops did not seem to hear them.

"Either my robo-arm's clock is a little off today or those three lasted about thirty-nine seconds longer than usual," Badgerclops finished with a careless shrug.

Hovering near him suddenly, Adorabat cried, "Does that mean we're losing edge?"

"Nah, just means the Sky Pirates are more on edge today," said Badgerclops.

"More like edgier!" remarked Orangusnake brightly suddenly breaking off from fighting Mao Mao.

"_Mmm_, maybe…" Badgerclops said with a shrug. "But I think y'all are more on edge. Maybe you guys need a break or something."

"Oh! They're just _over_ the edge in more ways than one!"

This was Mao Mao, and he was just coming in on a wonderfully agile swoop with katana singing sweetly through the air— ah! that sound of wind and metal.

The edge of a cliff was just on hand, and understanding exactly what Mao Mao meant to do, Orangusnake let out a shriek and held up his laser-axe more for defense than to fight him back. He cowered under the axe like a person with hydrophobia under an umbrella during a rain storm.

It was enough to block the blow to save him from flying, but it was not enough to save him from being knocked to the ground through Mao Mao's powerful skills that made him stronger than Orangusnake despite the cat being quite smaller.

On top of the sky pirate now, Mao Mao no longer looked cheeky. What had begun as fun had turned out tedious. In the end, he just really wished that those Sky Pirates and their lame psychotic villainy would never return to the valley after this fight. But for the moment he and Orangusnake's weapons were locked.

"_GO, MAO MAO_!" cried Adorabat at the top of her lungs.

Badgerclops right next to her winced a little.

But although Orangusnake was on his back, he could not be flipped just yet.

Both hero and villain clenched their teeth and slowly turned their heads with concentration and irritation, but neither would let up. Suddenly Orangusnake opened his eyes to see how close he really was to the edge of the cliff. The shoulder plates of his armor were skidding little stones into the empty air where his head hovered above the brink.

He gasped and the lock of weapons was broken. The combatants spun around as they did. Orangusnake was on his feet.

_Oh, if only Mao Mao would leave and never come back_! he thought.

They were astride the cliff now. If both had been equally matched as fighters it could have been either one of them thrown from the cliff by his adversary. But they were not equally matched, and Orangusnake knew it. Sweat dripped from his face. Moist palms made his grip on the axe handle like glue

He would never defeat Mao Mao. The cat did not look tired at all.

Orangusnake's rage turned to panic as Mao Mao made to perform his final light charging swing.

It was for Orangusnake a movement in slow-motion, and he could do nothing to stop the impending flight.

It was more of an involuntary act of self-defense than any attempt at cleverness that made Orangusnake thrust out his finger and desperately shout, "What's that!?"

He must have said it convincingly enough. Mao Mao really did put a sudden pause in the drama and action lighting to see if some flying saucer was not in the sky above them.

"Huh, what?" he demanded.

Orangusnake sneered and swung his fist rather than his axe.

"Mao Mao!" shouted Adorabat and Badgerclops.

"_Psych_!" shrieked Orangusnake with unbridled glee as he felt that small, lithe body bash back against his knuckles and away from him.

A pained and shocked "_Mew_!" escaped Mao Mao. He did not fling into the sky and land somewhere safely in the distance like the Sky Pirates usually did either. As a main character and not a comedic villain, he sailed over the cliff and down the raging waterfall that for some reason no one had noticed before that moment had even existed.

Adorabat and Badgerclops joined Orangusnake at the edge of the falls just in time to see the black silhouette disappear in mist and shadowy forms of jagged stones like monstrous teeth ready to devoir him. The sound of his cry was drowned out in the roaring water.

Blinking stupidly, it took some moments for Orangusnake to come to his senses enough to say, "Did I beat him?"

Mao Mao did not come back.

There was no sign of him anywhere.

A slow smile crept over the snake's face. A twitch flicked his eyelid, and a pleasant hissing echoed from his tongue.

"I can't believe it!" he shouted, and he laughed with a leap and an orangutan whoop from the Tanner-half's mouth. "I did it! I hit him! I beat him! I might have actually k—"

_BLAST!_

He had forgotten about Badgerclops and Adorabat. As they woke from their own shock, Badgerclops had wasted not even a millisecond firing his laser cannon through his robo-arm. With a deep frown he stood motionless through the trail of smoke until Orangusnake's scream ended and he landed with a thud somewhere in the distance.

"I'm okay…!" he croaked.

Badgerclops did not care and neither did Adorabat.

Adorabat landed on his shoulder.

"What happened to Mao Mao?" she asked her lower lip puckering as she lifted her face from the angry waters.

Her huge eyes swelled with tears on the verge of deciding whether this was time to cry.

"Oh, I'm sure he's okay," said Badgerclops. "He's a ninja master or whatever. He probably just swung into a cave behind the waterfall and he's fine… Well, you know, except for having his pride hurt for falling for a cheap trick like that by a guy like Orangusnake. I mean, if I got hit by Orangusnake like that in a psych out, I probably wouldn't want to come up right away either, and we all know how sensitive Mao Mao is."

"What if there isn't a cave behind the waterfall?" Adorabat demanded.

Badgerclops smiled. "There's always a cave behind the waterfall."

Silence.

Only the sound of the waterfall echoed behind them.

"Oh, alright, fine, we'll go look," grumbled Badgerclops, "but you fly up ahead so I don't have to climb any farther than I have to, okay? Climbing down rocks is way more than walking."

"Deal."

So down they went along the side of the cliff to the pool of water at the bottom of the falls and the jagged sharp rocks that stuck out of it. Through the mist and sprays of water the pair squinted behind the waterfall. Adorabat flew as far as she could without being flushed away by the falls. The surface behind the waterfall was as flat as a wall, and there was no opening to even the smallest cave.

What she found instead made even Badgerclops concerned, however: The shredded remains of a very familiar red cape. As she tried to grab it, she only snatched a couple threads before it washed further downstream much to her dismay.

"That still isn't proof that Orangusnake beat him," said Badgerclops trying to sound hopeful, but Adorabat did not believe his sincerity.

"Even if he did beat him," Adorabat snapped, "that doesn't mean Mao Mao's de—"

Badgerclops clamped his hand over her mouth, and she glared dangerously at him. When her mouth was released she started screaming at the top her lungs again, "_HEY_! _What's the big idea_! _I_—!"

After clamping her mouth shut again, Badgerclops whispered into her ear, and her face fell.

"Oh…"

"But either way I'm sure Mao Mao will come back," Badgerclops said. "I bet if we go home, order a pizza and open up a round of coke he'll be ringing that doorbell before the delivery man does."

"Promise?" asked Adorabat, her eyes so watery with hope that they began to sparkle just a little in spite of her puckered lower lip.

Badgerclops grinned, "Sure!"

* * *

_Ding, Dong!_ The doorbell rang merrily back at the Sheriff's Office and main base for Mao Mao and his deputies.

"I'll get it!" said Badgerclops who was sitting near the front door anyway; though he made his way slowly as he concentrated on his Switch pad.

"No way! I'll get it!" cried Adorabat.

Badgerclops opened the door and just as his nose had promised, the pizza was nice and hot and spicy! He took a big extra whiff as the delivery boy held it up to him. The exhale Badgerclops made afterwards was the dreamiest sigh of goodness.

Right behind him like a savage poodle, Adorabat glowered with a deep overcast. Her sharp teeth ground together so hard they squeaked.

"Oh, yeah!" said Badgerclops reaching for his wallet. "Canadian bacon, Italian sausage, and home-nitrated pepperoni, mixed deep-fried vegetable with white sauce and cheese in the crust."

"Cheese in the crust…" seethed Adorabat.

Just as the delivery boy and Badgerclops switched money for pizza, Adorabat bolted outside and grabbed the delivery boy by the scruff. He was only a citizen of Pure Heart Valley. Well, so was Adorabat originally, but that's not the point. The delivery boy let out a shriek.

So did Badgerclops, honestly, because he almost dropped his pizza. Quickly, he clutched the box to his chest.

"'Cheese in the crust'!? You mean '_Mao Mao in the crust_'!" snapped Adorabat unreasonably.

"Adorabat!" Badgerclops whined. "Come _on_! What's that gunna do?"

"Please! Please don't hurt me!" sobbed the delivery boy shivering like a half-drowned mouse, which he was as he was sopping wet with his own tears and sweat. "The order said cheese in the crust!"

Adorabat released her hold and the delivery boy fell into his back before scrambling towards the valley as fast as his legs could carry him.

On the ground, Adorabat was still fuming, breathing heavily and noisily with eyes blazing red.

"There, now that's better," said Badgerclops shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth to make sure the pizza was good.

Oh!

"Really better…!" sighed Badgerclops.

It was better than his nose had suggested.

With mouth still full of half-chewed cheese from the crust, he said, "See, you can handle those violent urges when you put your mind to it. I'm proud of you. Mao Moa will be proud of you when he gets back, y'know? And he'll be back tomorrow, I'm sure!" He paused and took out a small slice of pizza and handed to Adorabat. "Pizza?"

Her heavy breathing stopped and her swollen eyes bulged at the slice as though Badgerclops was offering a slice of particle board with manure on top. Her eyes shifted up to Badgerclops' encouraging closed eye. Then she clasped onto his face.

"Will he back?" she demanded. "_WILL HE_?"

"Would you mind letting go of my face?"

Adorabat dropped, and Badgerclops turned back inside the Sheriff's Office.

"Told you he was sensitive, and I'm beginning to see why he said that you remind him of him. But he's out there somewhere being emotional and when he's got it out of his system he'll come back. Y'know. If he doesn't make a stop at the junkyard to give Orangusnake and his pals a good flight lesson again."

Adorabat sighed, and as Badgerclops disappeared, the little bat girl looked up at the beautiful wash of tangerine, pink, and violet in the sky of the setting sun. The first twinkle of a star winked where the sky was turning dark blue.

"Somewhere out there…" she sang softly. "Yes, where dreams… Come troooooooooooooooooo…"

She was a little thin on the highest note, but it only made it all the more endearing.

* * *

"Did you really beat 'im, Boss?" asked Ramaraffe inside the broken ship that served as the Sky Pirate's base.

"I don't know…" said Orangusnake pacing as he spoke.

With one hand behind his back and the other rubbing his narrow serpentine chin, he mused. Eyes searched the ceiling, and his cape whipped atmospherically at every turn, casting dynamic shadows in the dim and eerie lighting.

His cronies followed him at every turn with their eyes as they stood as a group near at hand, but well out of his pacing path out of respect and not to get stepped on or kicked. He was not watching where he was going, after all.

"Are ya plottin' how to take the Ruby Pure Heart, Boss?" asked Boss Hosstrich.

"No…" said Orangusnake ominously.

"Say, then it's the Aero-Cycle first, right Boss?" said Ratarang lifting a paw anxiously.

Orangusnake paused and glared at the trio— past the trio, rather. His other hand joined the first around his back. He opened his mouth as though to say something profound, and his cronies hung on his inhale for the word that would proceed. With a lifted finger, he closed his eyes.

"No," he said.

The trio released their held breaths and eased their tense muscles with disappointment as their captain spun around again. The cape waved with a heavy whipping sound.

"No," he went on pacing again, "first we have to make certain that he's finished, my friends."

"Finished with what, Boss?" asked Ramaraffe.

Hosstrich motioned her over with a feathered digit. With eyes blinking widely and mouth o-shaped, Ramaraffe craned her head over to him on her long, retractable neck. Hosstrich whispered in her ear, and her eyes went wider and almost crossed.

"Oh…!" she said in awe.

Retracting back to her original position, she said, "I still don't get it, Boss."

Orangusnake sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Oh, that's fine, Ramaraffe. Just let's go to the river now that we can be sure Mao Mao's pals, the eating one and the shrieking one, are at home again. Then, if there's still no sign of Mao Mao's survival, we'll implement my plan to see if he's hiding out somewhere."

Shortly after this, with flashlights in hand, Orangusnake and the others reached the falls. They scoured the bottom, except for Ramaraffe who got distracted by making shadows with a nice leaf she found. The others found a gleam of scarlet.

"Hey!" cried Ratarang. "Look what I found over here! Guys!"

Everyone crowded around and looked down at the once beautiful cape. It was ripped and covered in grime as it lay limply upon a jutting stone.

Pushing the others out of the way in his excitement, Orangusnake snatched up the cape and examined it. Though, quickly realizing his rudeness, he turned to the others sheepishly.

"Sorry, I'm on edge," said Orangusnake.

"Completely pard'nable, Boss," said Hosstrich tipping his hat and closing his eyes sagely.

Orangusnake cleared his throat, still slightly embarrassed. Then he grew solemn.

"My friends," he said.

"We're gettin' the Aero-Cycle and the Ruby Pure Heart?" asked Ratarang.

Orangusnake blinked. "No. Stop, you made me lose my train of thought."

"Sorry, Boss."

"No, no, it's fine. It's fine."

The moon cast a beautifully atmospheric shadow over Orangusnake's face (actually it was just Ramaraffe's flashlight as she turned suddenly from her leaf shadows to the rest of the group). "First we peak through the Sheriff's Office windows and then we—"

"Excuse me, Boss," said Hosstrich with an elegant bow.

Orangusnake rolled his eyes and tossed down the scarlet cape.

"Yes, Boss Hosstrich?" demanded Orangusnake impatiently.

"Well, we still have all those surveillance cameras an' I already checked 'em. There is no sheriff at the Sheriff's Office, wounded or otherwise."

Orangusnake smiled, his non-existent lips curling Cheshire-cat like.

"Oh, really?" he hissed. "Then, gentlemen and… uh, Ramaraffe. Let's get ready for my last test before we're free men! And… Ramaraffe."

"_D'uh_, am I supposed to be offended as a woman, Boss?"

Orangusnake scratched the back of his head and shrugged. "_Meh_, maybe."

"Oh, well then I forgive you."

"Uh…" Orangusnake paused. "Thanks."

Ramaraffe beamed. "You're welcome!"


	2. Chapter 2

JMJ

Chapter Two

The alarm wailed back at the Sheriff's Office.

Both Badgerclops and Adorabat had had a rather rough night. Adorabat had been thinking every crick, squeak, and groan outside her window and out in the living room was Mao Mao coming home, and Badgerclops kept thinking there was one extra slice in the pizza box that he had not finished. But maybe in the case of Badgerclops the only thing he was missing was Mao Moa as in the back of his mind he began to fear that Orangusnake had done more damage to his pal than just to his pride.

Anyway, it was too early to be woken up for battling bad guys or monsters after such a night, and both Badgerclops and Adorabat drooled their way out of bed.

As they reached the living room where the alarm was going off, Adorabat was suddenly struck with an idea that woke her faster than caffeine.

"I bet Mao Mao's gunna beat us there!" she gasped, and she zipped out the door as fast as she could.

"Hey, wait!" called Badgerclops. "We're taking the Aero-Cycle, right? I mean, I'm not gunna run down into the valley first thing in the morning without breakfast, Adorabat!"

"No!" shrieked Adorabat. "No one touches the Aero-Cycle until Mao Mao gets back!"

Badgerclops moaned.

Now, down into the valley where nestled the quaint heart-filled town of Sweetie Pies, Orangusnake was causing chaos for the gentle citizens. With sacks open and his cronies looking more the usually menacing, Orangusnake slipped out his glasses to read his list of demands.

Someone behind him was shrieking at the fire blazing from the remains of the library.

He was just about to set his glasses into place when he let out a disgruntled sigh.

"Look! We're sorry about the library!" he hissed. "It's not like we did that on purpose! That oil tanker just popped out of nowhere! C'mon! Get a grip people!"

As a fire engine came to put the fire out, Orangusnake shook his head importantly and put his glasses on.

"Because we have ki— Oh, excuse me, everyone!" he tittered apologetically before going back to his serious villainous tone even if the Tanner-half still blushed with a queer little smile. "Because we have _destroyed_ Sheriff Mao Mao we are taking full advantage of pillaging your town. If you prefer your Pure Heart Valley to stay intact we recommend that everything we desire be put into the sacks that fit the type of object on the list orderly and in single-file. As you can see we have electronics, furniture, and various food, etc, all legibly labeled for everyone. Pictures too in case anyone here is illiterate. Now for the list. _Ahem_!"

"Please, Captain Orangusnake, can't we be reasonable about this!" beseeched King Snugglemagne clasping his paws together. "There must be some way we can negotiate to satisfy both parties."

"Um, I believe I already made my case quite clear, Sire," said Orangusnake. "Either you comply with what I've said. That would be dope. Or DON'T!" he snarled that last bit and thrust one of his huge orangutan fingers towards his Tube-Cannon III.

Boss Hosstrich patted it devilishly.

With a shriek Snugglemagne squeezed his paws to his chest.

"But—but!" he sputtered. "How can you be sure that the sheriff's dead?"

The whole town gasped in horror. Even the fire was forgotten and started the post office next door on fire too.

"Well! We meant 'destroyed'," said Snugglemagne with a dignified sniff. "Of course, we meant destroyed."

With arms crossed staunchly he turned his head away with regal pride.

Everyone calmed down and the firefighters showered out the fire before it could spread to the nearest fast food joint.

"So… you want to know how we know that the sheriff's destroyed, do you?" said Orangusnake.

The Sweetie Pies nodded in unison.

"We took his Aero-Cycle in the night here, yo!" laughed Ratarang.

"_I _wanted to say it!" whined Orangusnake.

Ratarang spun around whistling nonchalantly.

"Well, anyway!" snorted Orangusnake. "Yes, we have the sheriff's beloved Aero-Cycle, and at this very moment we have it installed into our ship, and that's the thing that's causing the slowly pulsing and ominous shadow above everyone's heads."

Backing away from the scene on the street, one could easily see that it was a very sunny day and the Sky Pirates' ship hovered menacingly above the town.

The Sweetie Pies let out a greater gasp than before.

"And I'm sure by now," said Orangusnake with a smug grin, "Mao Mao would have been here if he was still with us."

Hosstrich put his hat over his heart in mock sympathy and began to play the beginning of Taps on a harmonica. He didn't get far, however before there came a shout behind them that made Orangusnake's snake heart skip a beat— the orangutan heart still beat about the same as before even if Tanner's face showed a little concern for his upper half's terror.

"Hey, Sky Pirates! Are you playing for your own funeral or what?" shouted Adorabat. It sounded like a Mao Mao-like thing to say to her when it had popped into her head.

Orangusnake sighed with relief to see that not even Badgerclops was with the little bat, who was the only one among the trio that the Sky Pirates had a good chance of defeating in battle.

"Where's Sheriff Mao Mao?" whimpered Snugglemagne.

The Sky Pirates sneered like an oil smear as they shifted their eyes to Snugglemagne and back to the lone Adorabat.

"Yesssss," hissed Orangusnake evilly. "Yes, where's our dear Sheriff?"

He glanced knowingly back at the Sweetie Pies, and his crew sniggered like naughty children on the playground.

"You mean the sheriff really is gone?" cried Penny grabbing onto Benny for support.

Orangusnake gave a prompt nod. "Yes."

The citizens of Pure Heart Valley all began to scream and run around in circles. Above the din could barely be heard the snarl of Pinky, "I call dibs on the Sheriff's Office!" But no one paid the least bit attention to him.

"What happened to that orderly file I was talking about?" whined Orangusnake throwing out his arms.

"NO! HE'S! _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT_!" screamed Adorabat.

Everyone stopped and stared at the bat hovering now in the middle of town square.

"Mao Mao's _not_ gone forever! I know it! I _feel_ it! You guys gotta feel that too! He's our hero! Our protector! We have a special bond with him! If he was gone forever we wouldn't have that bond!"

"What's she talkin' about?" winced Marion.

"Maybe she's losing grip on reality with grief," sighed ol' Blue in his minimalistic way.

Snugglemagne gave a sniff. "Well, he's not here and _you_ are, Adorabat. That's proof enough that he's not coming! We say that the Sweetie Pies of Pure Heart Valley need a new sheriff and quick. Make a note, Quinton! We appoint Badgerclops the new Sheriff of Pure Heart Valley!"

A murmuring rippled through the crowd but there was no sign of Badgerclops either.

"Is Badgerclops gone forever too!" gasped Chubbums.

Again the streets became panic and Orangusnake moaned.

"No!" cried Adorabat. She flew one way and then flew another. She began pulling on Gary as if she could lift him up from his panic but in vain. She gave up trying to stop anyone physically as she shouted furiously: "No! He was just behind me! And he doesn't need to take over as sheriff! Mao Mao's the sheriff… and even if we did need a new sheriff I could take over the position _JUST AS EASILY_!"

The square paid less attention to her than to Pinky who was now trying to bribe the king out of the Sheriff's Office in the background with a ticket to some tropical island. Everyone else began attacking their own town in their terror better than the Sky Pirates could have ever hoped in pillaging.

"_Rrrah_!" Adorabat growled. "Where is that Badgerclops?!"

* * *

A little earlier Badgerclops would have been found not far behind Adorabat trudging and grumbling as he made his way down towards the valley. It was a beautiful morning with fresh air blowing in from the mountains. Birds sang in the trees and butterflies and bees hovered over swaying flowers, but Badgerclops did not see any of that. What he did see in bold messy paint on the trunk of a thick tree, were the words, "He's not coming back."

Badgerclops blinked as he passed by the tree and frowned. There was another tree up ahead that was also painted up with very sloppy letters.

"Deal with it, dood," it read.

A few paces past the tree Badgerclops stopped dead in his tracks at the third tree with the letters, "And y'all know who we're talking about…right? I mean it's Mao Moa, right?" The last "right" dribbled into the grass at the foot of the tree.

"Okay, that's it!" snapped Badgerclops. "First of all as a "dude" user, I'm highly offended that whoever wrote this didn't take the time to find out how to spell it correctly—!"

A fourth tree read, "The Sky Pirates totally didn't write this."

"Yeah, well— and second! If Mao Mao really isn't coming back, this sucks!" He kicked up a very attractive daisy as hard as he could. Then he blasted the remains with his robo-arm. "Oh, I knew he wasn't coming back! STUPID MAO MAO BEING SO SENSATIVE! Well! I don't care if he's coming back! I don't care about Pure Heart Valley! I don't care about the stupid Ruby Pure Heart or monsters or Sky Pirates! I don't even care if I never do or _eat anything agai_—_huh_?"

He paused at something glittering.

It was sugar glinting in the sunlight.

"Hey, is that one of those apple cinnamon cookies from the grocery store that look just like Girl Scout Cookies only they're cheaper and come in those clear plastic trays?"

Lifting it up, he examined both sides and shrugged.

"Huh!"

He popped it into his mouth whole and licked his lips.

He was just about to wander away somewhere from there. Maybe eventually he would've made it to where the Sky Pirate's ship hovered right over the town square in front of the castle. Maybe he would have just sulked some more, but either way he did not go far before he caught sight of another apple cinnamon cookie sparkling like fool's gold in the light of the bright morning sun. This one had a grasshopper sitting on it that he had to fend off for the sake of the delicious snack.

He popped it into his mouth after blasting the grasshopper away, for he was still pretty upset even if he was too lazy to rant anymore.

"Burnt," he sighed with tears welling in his eyes.

But after a few more steps there was another cookie…. and another… and another…and another.

It was about this time that King Snugglemagne had called for Badgerclops to be the new sheriff too, but he was well away and going in the opposite direction from the valley. The only sign of Pure Hear Valley from where he was was the smoke from the fire. Although out by now, the smoke of it had finally reached out this far.

Through tears gobbing more and more so that they overflowed his cheeks he sobbed with his mouth filled with half-chewed cookies, "Maybe Mao Mao really is de— _hey_! You stupid bird! I saw that cookie first!"

"_Skrah_!" cried the crow just missing being hit by a blast from the robo-arm. She flapped away as fast as she could.

Badgerclops continued following the trail right to the edge of a high cliff. He might have walked right off of it too had his enemies been cleverer about it. Instead the cookies led him up a couple steps into a circular cage like a cake platter and bars that might be used in an old fashioned zoo. Inside, there say with an aura of enticement, a big pile of boxes with cookies in those clear plastic trays as though someone had stolen them right off the delivery truck headed for a supermarket.

"I knew it!" gasped Badgerclops.

Hardly had Badgerclops slipped inside before he tripped a rather thick and obvious string that triggered the cage-door shut behind him, but he paid no attention to that as he opened one of the plastic trays like a bear in an abandoned camper. For his convenience he could sit in a very cozy easy-boy chair before a television playing a pirated hacked game.

As Badgerclops sat down, he noticed on the character selection screen, "Hey, they got Purpl'igi in this game! Awesome!"

Immediately, he began to play and eat away at the cookies to forget his sorrows and worries. It did not take long before he was chuckling to himself about the silly attacks Purpl'igi had that he could use against Planatima, Scythe, and Barbwiretta. He just had to try not to look at Wink who had always been Mao Mao's favorite, but that was easy enough once he had his settings.

"You go, Purpl'igi!" he shouted with crumbs spraying out of his mouth.

He bolted a fist into the air at his victory and he chuckled merrily to himself.

* * *

Almost as if she could see him now, Adorabat moaned, but really it was because that without Mao Mao and without even a Badgerclops, the Sweetie Pies were now lined up in an orderly fashion to exchange a few items on Orangusnake's list for the safety of what remained of Pure Heart Valley.

"Let's see," said Orangusnake adjusting his reading glasses. "I want to start with the king's throne. Oh! And the king's crown, of course."

"You can't be serious!?" sobbed Snugglemagne.

"Oh, I'm pretty serious," said Orangusnake with a principal's solemn nod. "I also want all the latest game systems… cooking supplies like toaster ovens, microwaves, and pots and pans… y'know that sort of thing. And not to mention all the food from the grocery store. All of it. That includes those little slugs of energy drink in those tiny five-inch bottles. Everything. And I want the third doctor on a complete DVD box set."

"But, no one has that!" cried Chubbums waving his stubby arms.

"Yeah!" sobbed Chester. "You have to get the blue ray!"

"Oh, fine!" sniffed Orangusnake. "The punishing of the DVD users. We'll skip that one. It was worth a try. Alright, and last but not least, I want all the money from the bank, of course! So that's it. Everyone have everything? Good. Let's get going I—"

Hosstrich suddenly appeared by his side. After blinking at him and pulling off his glasses, Orangusnake leaned his head down to him. Hosstrich whispered and Orangusnake frowned.

"Why didn't you put it on the list then?" Orangusnake whispered back. "This is kind of embarrassing."

Hosstrich shrugged apologetically.

"Oh, okay, fine," Orangusnake whispered patiently. Then addressing the Sweetie Pies again he announced, "Anybody going for furniture, it would be appreciated too, if someone's got those extra high beds with the space program padding. Okay, we're good now."

"C'mon, you guys!" Adorabat said. "You can't give up! They're just the Sky Pirates!"

No one listened to her as Quintin orchestrated the lifting of the throne to put down before Orangusnake's feet. The king was sobbing when the crown was set before their enemy. Orangusnake placed it right over the top of his own crown and beamed.

"Oh, yeah!" snapped Adorabat. "I'll show you that the Sky Pirates are nothing!"

Zipping over to them she threw several smoke pellets over the top of the Sky Pirates who yelled out in surprise. Smoke filled the square and everyone was coughing.

"Come on you guys, now we can take 'em!" Adorabat snarled from where she hovered above the smoke, but the Sweetie Pies were just as blinded and immobilized by coughing as the Sky Pirates.

"Quintin!" cried King Snugglemagne. "I think I'm going to choke! Do _do_ something about it!"

_Click. Fffffffffffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!_

The smoke cleared away, and a very powerful little fan in Quintin's wings was the cause.

"_Gah_! Thank you!" snarled Orangusnake sucking in the fresh air as the Tanner-half coughed just a little bit more in the abdominal portion of his armored suit.

No one was very happy with what Adorabat had done. The Sweetie Pies were already murmuring about the smoke damage to all the things that they had just brought out of their homes.

"There goes the value of that bamboo set," said Boss Hosstrich sadly.

"But the smoky flavor adds something to these canned peaches over here!" said Ratarang happily as he leaned back leisurely on the throne.

He stuck a very fine chopstick into the middle of one of those peaches like a skewer and plugged it into his mouth.

"_Mmm_! Smoked peaches!" said Ratarang. "Reminds me of Mama's Christmas fruit-meatloaf! Just add some bologna, mixed maraschino cherries and some canned fruit, beef jerky and some of Mama's meat balls…mix it into a bread mix and _bam_! Instant perfection!"

"Oh, boy, lemme have some of that!" said Ramaraffe. She squeezed in next to him on the throne.

"Hey! Watch it, I'm sittin' here!"

"But you guys didn't even try!" cried Adorabat at the Sweetie Pies. "We don't need help to defeat the Sky Pirates! They _stink_!"

"Face it, Adorabat," said King Snugglemagne haughtily. "Without Mao Mao and his deputy there's nothing to try. You might as well hand them over your game system at the sheriff's office and be done with it. Now be off with you."

"But he's gunna take the Ruby Pure Heart!" snapped Adorabat.

"Oh, of course, but we figured that was a given," laughed Orangusnake.

"_Oooohhhh_!" growled Adorabat and she zipped away ragingly to go find Badgerclops.

"Yes, do hurry back!" called Orangusnake cheekily. "Every little bit helps to stave our thirst for pillaging, after all."

Adorabat didn't answer but flew faster as she fought the tears that stung her eyes. Though, had she looked back even once, she might have seen the strange look of disappointment on Orangusnake's face. It was there long enough to see that something did not bode well with him. Though, honestly, he was not quite sure what it was himself.


	3. Chapter 3

JMJ

Chapter Three

Orangusnake let out a heavy and miserable sigh.

Seated on Snugglemagne's throne in his airship's main deck, he looked like a forlorn lord of an ancient moody kingdom on the verge of apocalypse. Not even Ratarang's mother's fruit meatloaf could cheer him up. It was getting cold on a small round bamboo table next to him. The smell of smoke bombs fumed everywhere, but the scent sprays intoxicating the air with fake lemon-verbena attempted to shield it.

"Don't worry, Boss!" said Ramaraffe. "We still got the Ruby Pure Heart and that smells like crystal."

"Yes, I say our efforts were pretty tight," said Boss Hosstrich punching the air.

"_Ooo_, so 2005," winced Orangusnake.

"So's resistin' blue ray," said Hosstrich, and he crossed his arms.

Orangusnake had to admit, "Point taken."

"Either way we got the Ruby Pure Heart!" grinned Ratarang. "Who cares about anything else?"

It was tied to the top of their airship now, and although it weighed the ship down groaning, it still floated along the ground well enough.

"Yes…" sighed Orangusnake a second time. "And before long, Pure Heart Valley will decay into nothing as the morale of the Sweetie Pies decays with the town's lack of energy. Their kingdom will fall into a pit of hateful despair that will destroy the fertile valley for miles around, and we have so much money that we can pay the highest services to clean out the stink out of our ship once we get to Sky City. And officially hook up the Pure Heart to the engine of course. Then we'll be the scourge of the sky and the most feared pirates in all the world from longitude to latitude."

Ramaraffe's face contorted with pity and confusion. "Then what's wrong, Boss?"

"Oh! Just forget it."

"Okay, but I thought you were gunna be happy once we won."

"The funny thing is, Ramaraffe," said Orangusnake thoughtfully staring into an LED-lit electric fireplace in a most atmospheric sort of way. "So did I…"

"Hey, boss, more fruit meatloaf!" said Ratarang scurrying up in front of him. He was suddenly wearing a chef's hat and apron as he held a flat pan of the stuff.

With a spatula he cut and plopped a great helping of it over what had already gotten cold.

"What's the point?" grumbled Orangusnake.

"To get full finally, Boss," said Ramaraffe.

Without looking, Orangusnake used one of his huge fingers to flip his plate off of the bamboo table. It clattered and splattered the fruit meatloaf all over the floor.

Ramaraffe, Ratarang, and Boss Hosstrich looked at the wasted food on the floor in dismay for a moment and then looked up with deep concern at their boss. Ratarang was also trying to decide whether it would have been seen as poor taste in light of the situation to take the food off the floor and eat it himself.

Orangusnake closed his eyes and sighed yet again most miserably.

"Maybe he likes metal pipes better," said Ramaraffe to her companions.

Ratarang shook his head. Throwing off his chef's hat he scurried up behind the throne and climbed up into a position where he hung onto the side of it near eye level with his captain.

"Hey, c'mon, Boss," said the rat-cyborg lifting a paw. "You're scaring us. Pull yourself together!"

"Yeah, tell us what's troublin' ya, boy," said Hosstrich.

"No, no, I don't want to spoil the rest of your guys' fun."

"But we can't have fun seein' you like this, Boss," said Ratarang. "Not even being humiliated by Mao Mao's dad and going home hungry with the rain leaking in the back of the ship made you this miserable, Boss."

Music began to play quite mysteriously and with a rather dangerously familiar tune just close enough to something everyone knew without danger of getting into trouble for it.

Ratarang sang:

"_C'mon, Boss, see we're dyin' here_

_To know what's gotten you pinin' here. _

_All do respect pours from all of us here_

_Since the time that you called us here!_

_Everyone here is in awe of you here,_

_So give ear,_

_We don't see whatchya feeeeeeeeeeeear!"_

He didn't sound half bad as a tenor, really.

Orangusnake winced nonetheless not feeling in the least bit in the mood for a sing and dance segment.

Then with the music becoming stronger, Ratarang sang,

"_Whooooooo caaaaaaan win like Orangusnake?_

_Make that snaky grin like Orangusnake?_

_Who never gave up 'spite worn thin like Orangusnake_!

"_Who can claim to go on in that old dump_

_Not bashed by daily defeats and bad smells?_

_Who led us through fatigue and every slump?_

_Only to see that today we're ringing the bells!"_

"Oh," moaned Orangusnake rolling his eyes shut.

Ramaraffe blinked stupidly at Orangusnake and then at Hosstrich and Ratarang. With an "o" in her lips she squinted in confusion when Boss Hosstrich and Ratarang exchanged knowing winks.

"_Who makes monkey sounds like Orangusnake_!" shouted Ratarang. "_Shakes the earth when he pounds like Orangusnake_!"

"_Who kicks sidekicks in the ground when they're down like Orangusnake_?" added Hosstrich with a grin.

"_That's good but, man, it's getting hard to keep singin' here with a name like 'Orangusnake'_," said Ratarang still singing, though a little off to the side.

"_But keep goin', boy, I think he's lightin' up_," sang Hosstrich.

"No, I just saw my foot that I had to shake," half sang and half chanted Orangusnake, "_That fruit-meatloaf is some pretty mean yup._"

"Yup?" asked Ratarang.

Hosstrich shrugged.

But they tried again.

"_C'moooon there, Boss_!" cried Hosstrich.

"_Keep it uuuup here, Hoss_," sang Ratarang through a clenched grin.

"Oh, I get!" cried Ramaraffe, "Oh, no wait. I think I just lost it."

"_Who's the— uh, boss like Orangusnake_?" said Ratarang running out of things to say already.

Hosstrich frowned. "_Who don'tchya cross like Orangusnake_?"

Ratarang grimaced at him in a way that showed that he thought his rhyme was just as good.

"Oh! Oh!" cried Ramaraffe waving her hoof excitedly, "_Who makes s'ghetti with red paste and used floss like our boss_!?"

She leaned her head backwards fawning over Orangusnake's shoulder.

Although eyeing her strangely for a second, Orangusnake tapped his chin and sang, "_Well, I guess that was pretty intuuuuuuuitive of me._"

"_Yeah, atta boy! That's our boss!_" sang Hosstrich and Ratarang clanging mugs of root beer suddenly in their hands together.

Yes, it was root beer. Don't think it was something stronger no matter how much it resembles what grownups get at a bar when they're over twenty-one. For shame!

Thoughtfully, Orangusnake sang on, "_I still hear Mother in the countryside say, 'Go make of yourself a great snake.' But now that I'm grown I am more than a snake— hey_!"

Ratarang had jumped on his head, you see.

All three of his crew members sang out as loud and passionately as they could, "_What he became, well, it just takes the caaaaaaaaaaaaaaake_!"

"Yes!" shouted Orangusnake looking quite triumphant as he leapt from his stolen throne.

The Orangutan also let out of whoop of excitement.

"Can have a piece of that cake?" asked Ramaraffe.

But with the music ended Orangusnake sighed again. "Look, I know y'all are trying to cheer me up, and I thank you for that. Don't think that I don't appreciate it, but I've realized what it is that's been gnawing at me."

"What's that?" asked Ratarang.

"Does it hurt, Boss?" asked Ramaraffe putting her hooves together with concern.

"Well, see. It's like this," said Orangusnake throwing his arms behind his back moodily. "Ever since I made the cheap-shot at Mao Mao, I just can't get over the fact that he's gone. It's like I can't move forward, see? It's like after all this time of playing good and evil together, I feel it kind of a shame it ended like it did. I think… I think I just need some closure or something."

"D'uh, huh?!" asked Ramaraffe.

"It's something that I can't expect you to understand," said Orangusnake lowering his head. "It's something only a hero and an arch-villain can truly appreciate. I feel a sense of loss with him gone so easily like that. Just beating him with a cheap trick and not a true victory of prowess and cleverness… if it's not too much trouble I'd like to go back to that waterfall… Y'know. Get it outa my system. Then I'm sure I'll be ready to go on to Sky City as planned at the great sky ports from which we've been separated for so long."

Silence befell the crew as they looked at each other with uncertainty.

"Uh…" said Ratarang.

"Sure thing, Boss," said Boss Hosstrich with care. "If that's really whatchya want."

"Thank you for your understanding," said Orangusnake lowering his head. "I'll admit that when I first saw that you three were all that remained of the original crew I did not have much faith in you, but now I see that the best crew members were the ones that remained with such loyalty and camaraderie as ours."

"Is it time for one of those hug moment things?" asked Ratarang scratching his head.

"No, not right now," said Orangusnake, and he turned away atmospherically with a whip of his cape.

"Oh, he's so boss!" said Ramaraffe in awe.

"_Our booooooooooooooooss_!" sang Boss Hosstrich and Ratarang together.

It echoed out into the sky beyond with the triumphant close of the music.

"Actually, I think he's just kinda bein' a killjoy," said Ratarang with s shrug eating some of the fruit-meatloaf off the floor.

"I heard that!" snapped Orangusnake. "I'm still in the room, for crying out loud. And could you get me some more of that recipe of your mother's! I like it more than I thought I would."

"I got it comin' here, Boss."

"All the great leaders are the melancholy type, Ratarang," muttered Hosstrich with a quiet and rather wise-looking nod. "It's the side effect of being a genius."

Ratarang gave a wince and a shrug before giving a fresh helping of fruit meatloaf to Orangusnake.

* * *

Was that a bark Mao Mao heard?

Oh, it was probably just an echo from one of those half-dreams he had been slipping in and out of as he drifted on his back along the seemingly endless river. On and on he had allowed himself to float. Barely moving, barely thinking, he drifted as though in another world. Only the thought of how stupid he was to fall for Orangusnake's trick filled him when he thought at all. The only part of him still tensed was the hand holding Geraldine, but even that was beginning to loosen.

He felt that he was drifting into a dream again about his ancestors looking away in shame of him, and Mao Mao sighed under the shadows of weeping willows arched over the clear water sparkling from the glints of light in between the leaves. Just as consciousness was about to leave him, he heard another faint echoing bark.

Though he opened his eyes a crack, he closed them again. If he did not know any better he would have said the bark was Bao Bao's, but it had to only be Bao Bao from his memories floating to the forefront of his mind. No one knew where Mao Mao was. He did not even know where he was, nor did he care. The images of a youthful anthromorphic cat mirthful and free flew through his mind like mists in the brush. A happy little dog ran beside him.

He could hear him panting now with that long pink tongue.

He could almost feel his breath, and it smelled pretty bad. It was pretty realistic for a dream. He did not consider it for very long, though, as it was just at this point that he felt a big bump on the top of his head. He drifted the other way just a little. The river caught him in the current again and bumped against the same obtrusion as before.

Prying open his eyes he blinked into the magical-looking rays coming through the tops of the trees. Gleaming white clouds blurred in and out above the green fuzzy shapes of leaves.

As he bumped into the bank a third time he moaned and sank a few inches in the shallow water; though, his eyes and nose still were above the surface. He found himself looking straight up at a huge, lolling wet pink thing. The sound of panting was very clear and something hot and moist fell right onto his nose.

"What?" he murmured.

Quickly now, he rolled over onto his knees. With hands in the grime at the bottom of the river, he looked right into the face of Bao Bao leaning down at the edge of the bank with paws over the side and panting patiently.

"Bao Bao?!" Mao Mao said, quite within his senses again.

Bao Bao barked in the affirmative and sat up straight as he wagged his fluffy curled tail.

Tears brimmed the cat's eyes. Despite himself, Mao Mao gave the dog a hug before he could stop, but he didn't let it last long. The dog made little grumbling dog sounds as though speaking some strange language.

Standing on his hind legs Mao Mao sniffled. "What do you mean, what am I doing here? What are you doing here?"

Bao Bao whined just a little.

"Oh," Mao Mao said rolling his eyes. "Alright fine."

He sat down on a log at the river's edge. After shaking the ends of his paws and then licking them a little, he relaxed and said, "Listen."

Bao Bao sat down next to the log and cocked his head attentively.

"I'm still a little ticked at you, but it's like this," Mao Mao said, and after a deep breath he poured out, "That loser Orangusnake. That loser who thinks he's my arch enemy? Yeah, you know the guy. Psychotic freak of a snake who sits on top of a monkey and thinks he's one person. That guy. Well, he got me."

"_Brooff_?" asked Bao Bao scratching his ear.

"Yeah, I fell for the stupidest 'look, what's that!' trick you ever saw," said Mao Mao. "I can't show my face as head of the Sheriff's Department anywhere near Pure Heart Valley. All my ancestors and my dad and all, they'd all be more ashamed than I dare to think. I can't even look at Geraldine in the blade." Without looking at the katana he wiped off the mud that he anticipated mucking her sheen. "No. Not after allowing myself to be tricked by such a loser so stupidly. I mean, if I fall for the cheap trick of a loser what's that make me?"

He threw his paws to his chest and turned suddenly to Bao Bao as though afraid the dog had already run off, but he was still there panting and looking Mao Mao straight in the eyes with his soft collected expression that he usually bore.

"Maybe you wouldn't understand, nothing like that ever happened to you," Mao Mao muttered leaning his elbows on his knees and staring into the river.

He could barely stand looking at his own reflection, and he sighed as he looked away from those miserable green eyes staring back.

"_Ruff, roof, bruff, graroo_!" garbled Bao Bao.

"Yeah, I know that some people might see it as cowardly to leave my post just cuz some guy punched me down a waterfall."

"_Hraff, brah, grooff, huff, broomf, garoomff_," Bao Bao added.

"I'm still alive enough to go back and face him again," muttered Mao Mao.

He smiled and gave a rather humorless chuckle with a shake of his head.

He closed his eyes. "Yeah…right…"

A few moments passed, and Mao Mao sat there on that log listening to the leaves dance in the trees and felt a strong gust of wind flow down and into his whiskers. Then his eyes shot open.

"Y'know," said Mao Mao. "You're right! It's stupid to just wallow here when I'm still alive, isn't it?"

Bao Bao cocked his head the other way curiously.

Standing upright, Mao Mao pounded his fist. "It's just that loser Orangusnake. Just cuz he pushed me down a waterfall once. I could push him down a waterfall a million times." He snorted with amusement. "I have pushed him down a waterfall a few times anyway. I mean, I wasn't going to wallow like this forever, so I hope you didn't think tha— _Huh_? Bao Bao…?"

The wind suddenly felt a little hallow.

Bao Bao was no longer sitting beside him.

"Bao Bao!" Mao Mao snarled. "Where did you—?"

A sharp bark sounded on the other side of him.

Blinking wide-eyed, Mao Mao turned his head sharply upstream where Bao Bao was looking back at him over his shoulder along the edge of the river back towards Pure Heart Valley.

Tears welled and a red smile spread out across Mao Mao's face.

"Thanks, Bao Bao," he choked, wiping the tears streaming down his cheeks.

Bao Bao panted happily again and barked.

"Right!" snarled Mao Mao again, but this time with determination. "Let's go get 'im!"

So off they raced together through the woodland. It was much like the old days in a way, except that he was missing his cape, but he soon found it, though ragged, not far from the place where he had begun drifting off from over the waterfall. He put it on, and thought he looked rather rugged. Then he began to climb up the side of the falls after Bao Bao.

Once at the top, Bao Bao hurried away chasing after a rabbit in his merry doggish way barking and growling as he went, but Mao Mao did not mind. He felt prepared for anything as he slipped into the last groove of the cliff before reaching the top himself, but just as he reached a paw for the grassy pinnacle, a mound of dirt suddenly fell on top of him.

"Ack!"

Angrily he popped his head out of the side of the mound over the cliff so that he looked a little like he was poking his head out the side of a taco. He was just about to yell at Bao Bao for digging over the top of him, but the annoyingly familiar voice of Orangusnake made him stop.

"There! We might as well fill in a spot that at least looks like a grave since there was no sign of his body."

Orangusnake could not see Mao Mao's head sticking out over the side of the cliff and had not heard him sputter dirt and growl over the sound of the roaring falls.

_What is he DOING_? Mao Mao thought.

Much to Mao Mao's displeasure, Orangusnake opened his mouth and revealed the depths of his psychological instabilities…


	4. Chapter 4

JMJ

Chapter Four

The sky became somewhat overcast.

_Befitting the mood_, Orangusnake thought.

The wind picked up and blew his cape perfectly as he stared down at the grave he had made for Mao Mao. There was a little vase with flowers sitting on top of the mound.

Daisies.

As the rest of the crew, wide-eyed and solemn, stood at a respectful distance on either side of their emotional captain, Orangusnake bowed his head before the grave. Boss Hosstrich and Ratarang exchanged shrugs when Orangusnake had his eyes closed. They straightened up again once his eyes were opened.

"Oh, Mao Mao," he said wiping away a stray tear. "I just want to say that as much as I despised you as my enemy, I really respected you as a rival. Something in my hearts and souls has been torn by your unfitting parting from this world. I know it was a cheap-shot, and I know wherever you are your honor has been besmirched by such a parting. Please accept my peace offering with you so that you may be a free spirit once more."

Elegant tears began to fall, and the wind blew them twinkling from his cheeks.

"There, there, Boss," said Ratarang patting Orangusnake on the knee.

He and the other two assumed Orangusnake was finished, but just as Orangusnake looked about to turn away he threw out his arms passionately towards the mound of dirt and gasped, "_Oh_!"

He almost kicked Ratarang by accident, and just as Ratarang got out of his way, Orangusnake stepped on his tail instead.

"Ack!" Ratarang cried, and tried to pull out from under the foot. "Hey, I'm dyin' here!" Yanking on his tail proved as useless as his shout as Orangusnake continued.

With arms again at his sides, Orangusnake said, "Who am I fooling? Having you as an enemy gave my life meaning, after all. You were the one responsible for who I am today! Without you I'd probably still be catching my tail on mousetraps in people's pockets as they passed by the beach road. Without you, I'm just a petty thug and not a pirate. I almost wish that you were still alive so that we could have gone on like we were— two creatures in combat—at least for a little while longer…"

Still under the mound of dirt with his head sticking out the side of the cliff and unnoticed by the completely distraught lunatic, Mao Mao had been listening quite to his regret to this psychotic monologue. With one eye squinting very low and the other raising up in disbelief that anyone could speak so stupidly, he was pretty much frozen for the moment. When at last he found himself enough to exchange one squinty eye for the other he muttered, "What is he talking about?"

"But that's all in the past," Orangusnake went on putting a hand over his face.

Even the Tanner-half's head looked rather morose though he really did not know why.

"Now, the world must move on," spoke the mouth of the Coby-half as the usual speaker of the two-in-one villain.

How befitting that the sky was continuing to darken. Rumbles of thunder could be heard in the distance as the wind grew into a gale.

"But at least, if you could do me a favor for old time's sake, Mao Mao!" Orangusnake prayed with hands folded and head bowed in worship of his fallen foe. "Give me a sign." He held out his hands and bowed on one knee finally releasing Ratarang's tail; the rat sped off like a bullet crying and kissing his tail as he stroked it like a wounded pet. "Give me a sign that you are well in the afterlife and that I am free to move on."

"Oh, make me puke, why don't ya," muttered Mao Mao, but he blinked and his eyes went wide. A slow smile formed on Mao Mao's face.

The wind died down, and Orangusnake felt his cape close in around his shoulders. He sighed, and stood upright with shoulders slumped. He sniffled.

His crew gaped with mouths open to their limit, but they quickly clamped their mouths shut again as Orangusnake turned around.

"That was some beaut of a eulogy, Sir," said Boss Hosstrich taking off his hat.

Ratarang wiped tears from his eyes and put a paw to his heart, "Yeah, got me right here."

"That was the weirdest, scariest thing I ever saw, Boss," sobbed Ramaraffe affectionately.

Orangusnake put his hand into a firm fist and rested the other hand on Ramaraffe's shoulder.

"No," he said, "the scariest thing is the fact that I did not realize my mistake before…how truly important Mao Mao is to this world… but—" He shrugged. "I guess it just makes the world easier for us pirates now."

"That's the spirit!" said Hosstrich.

"Yeah," laughed Ratarang nervously. "I mean, if anything, you were the one gettin' kinda scary like you were gunna bury yourself with Mao Mao in his gra—"

_Ploff_!

It came from the dirt over the fake grave and knocked over the vase of flowers with a _klumpf_.

Everyone turned in time to see the lightning strike behind a gnarled-looking red-gloved hand covered in dirt sticking straight out from the mound that Orangusnake had created.

The Sky Pirates gasped and jumped back. Their eyes grew wide and their teeth clenched. Ratarang, Boss Hosstrich, and Ramaraffe were holding each other shivering by the end as Mao Mao's body slowly emerged from the grave until he stood upright with head bowed and eyes closed. Orangusnake about a yard in front of his subordinates took one step forward in his awe.

Despite his fears he felt his eyes well with tears of joy.

"This is the sign?" he asked, a smile daring to appear on his troubled face. "You actually came back from the spirit world to tell me it's okay? Oh, Mao Mao, thank you, I don't deserve—"

He took another step forward but stopped. A disturbing smile also crossed Mao Mao's ragged muddy face. Then it turned into a grin that put Orangusnake's misplaced optimism where it belonged. Certainly not here. His own smile faded away, and the sky seemed to get darker still as with the cue of thunder rumbling, Mao Mao's eyes flashed open.

The crew squealed through their teeth in fright, and Orangusnake blinked stupidly with mouth ajar. Strangely, the Tanner-half was smiling placidly, but this was no smiling matter.

The cat's eyes were dark and hollow. The greenish hue seemed to be replaced with a bruise colored ring around a core reddish flame in each eye that replaced his pupils in spaces of empty blackness like some modern internet zombie. It made his ragged muddy fur and ripped cape look even more menacing as he threw back his head and laughed.

The crew screamed and began running around in circles babbling unintelligible things over the roar of the falls and the rumbling of thunder and the eldritch laughter. Except that if one listened carefully Ratarang might have screamed something along the lines of, "I'm facing the livin' dead here!" Orangusnake only stopped to look at them for a second when they ran into each other in front of him and then fell onto the ground.

His attention resumed on Mao Mao as the cat began to walk slowly and steadily towards him.

Shivering now, Orangusnake took a step back as his fingers turned rigid up at his chest plate. A faint whimper escaped him, but he was mesmerized by those lifeless eyes staring right into his. After that first step, he only brought his other leg next to the first so that his knees could knock together. His neck bowed his head rather low over the chest plate with an involuntary hiss.

Glinting harshly with a cold, atmospheric metallic sound, Mao Mao's katana was unsheathed. Mao Mao stepped over the glazed-eyed head of Ramaraffe, and she only reacted with a twitch as the cape rolled over her face. After what felt some time, Mao Moa stood but feet away from Orangusnake.

"Yes," he hissed with a grin seemingly wider than a mortal should be able to grin. "I've come to you, Orangusnake…"

He held out his katana so that it was inches from Orangusnake's snout, and the snake recoiled. The Coby-half gulped upon his dry throat, and for a second realized how much harder and faster his heart was beating compared to the other. (Gross, maybe, but in their combined form the two halves could feel each other's vitals and pains almost as well as their own.) It caused him to wonder if the Tanner-half was so beyond terror that he was in a sort of trance. Or maybe it was something deeper that the orangutan sensed in his simplicity that the snake could not.

The Tanner-half was not smiling anymore anyway. Honestly, to a normal person he might have just looked a little befuddled, but by this time the Coby-half was nearly convinced of the sixth sense the Tanner-half somehow must be experiencing.

"Destiny?" he hissed.

"Your destiny is to be fulfilled this day, Orangusnake!" said Mao Mao. "How about I take you with me back to the dark side of the spirit world to join me in combat for eternity?"

"What?" Orangusnake squeaked.

"Isn't that what you wanted? What you asked for?" Mao Mao mocked. "You said that I gave you meaning and without me your life is meaningless. That we are two sides of the same coin of good and evil."

Orangusnake fell to his knees, eyes still on Mao Mao's. The katana followed him perfectly on the way down.

When Orangusnake remained frozen after that, Mao Mao pressed, "There is no better way to keep this tie of villain and hero than to continue our fight forever. Right?"

With that disturbing grin, Mao Mao jolted his head upwards uncomfortably close to Orangusnake's face so that he flung his arms back at the scent of death coming from behind those sharp locked cage of teeth that had not been brushed for two days.

"Forever?" asked Orangusnake.

Lightning struck.

"If someone comes to take your soul, Orangusnake, and that means eternity…" Mao Mao growled.

Orangusnake winced and tremblingly asked, "Which one?"

With a frown and a step back that almost gave him away, Mao Mao stared at him in disgusted disbelief, but the thunder rumbled and Mao Mao's atmosphere returned.

"_Yours_, you spineless snake!" snapped Mao Mao rather impatiently. "This has nothing to do with your monkey friend. This is between _you_ and _me_!"

Orangusnake shrugged and with a nervous grin tittered, "Well, actually he's an orangutan? It's in my name? Right? Orangu—"

"Have fun fighting me in the spirit world without his arms and get your laser axe ready to meet the steel of my blade!" spat Mao Mao pressing the katana closer and closer to Orangusnake's face.

"Can you still feel pain in the spirit world?"

"_Yessssssssssss_!"

Orangusnake's head was nearly on the ground now, and certainly the back of the armor was. Mao Mao's face was alongside the blade reflecting his shining sharp teeth in another round of lightning and thunder very close together now. Again he could feel, smell, and downright taste that putrid breath, and just when he felt that the blade was about to do its worse, Coby tried to prepare himself for the unavoidable eternal battle. He wished now that he had not wished for, so much that he was beginning to cry and choke, but then quite suddenly Mao Mao's eyes released his.

Mao Mao flung his head up and look behind Orangusnake.

"What's that?!" he shouted as he thrust his finger rigidly forward.

"_What_?!" wailed Orangusnake popping his head upright expecting to see the cloaked specter of death with his scythe.

"Psyche!" said Mao Mao.

With that Orangusnake was flung right off the edge of the cliff and into the water below to the sound of deranged laughter from beyond the grave.

While Mao Mao was at it, he took his gleaming katana (or glorified glow stick) and made a deft and clever move that sliced the Ruby Pure Heart from the Sky Pirate's ship and sent it flying back to King Snugglemagne's castle. Although Mao Mao could not see it from there, the Ruby Pure Heart landed perfectly, though a little heavily, into the right position. King Snugglemagne himself had woken with a fearful start in bed with wood dust from the ceiling shaking onto his fine quilt and sheets, but otherwise everything was in order.

Mao Mao wiped some spittle he had gotten on the corner of his mouth and then slipped Geraldine back into her sheath. His eyes were back to normal and although his fur was still ruffled and muddy it did not look so dead. A sprinkling of rain began to fall, and he wrapped himself up in his ripped cape.

"_Hmm_," he said to himself in the silence.

Even the wind had stopped, and the Orangusnake's crew had long ago fled, so it was just him, and for some miles too.

"I wonder if I overdid it," Mao Mao muttered. Then he shrugged. "Oh, well. Too late now. I wonder where Badgerclops and Adorabat got to."

* * *

Down in the river Orangusnake flailed his arms, gasping and sputtering and making queer orangutan cries and snaky gasps, until the rain began to fall. He stopped and realized that he was not very deep in and that his legs were sinking in river slime. Looking around, it seemed that he had not gone far unless the spirit world looked exactly the same as the land of the living.

He scratched his head and stood up.

"What just happened?" he demanded.

A frog made a _ribbit_ on the edge of the river, and the Coby-half blinked with more confusion than the Tanner-half who looked rather content despite the sogginess of the situation.

* * *

As Mao Mao made his way back to Pure Heart Valley's Sheriff Office he could not help but notice the sound of loud, struggling, child-like grunts. As he followed it, he also noticed the whine of videogame music a little out of place in the pattering of rain. Then he saw the electronic glow. At that point it did not take long to see the cage with Badgerclops in it playing video games as he reached a paw for the last cookie provided for him.

Adorabat was tugging at various parts of the cage and trying in vain to bend bars with her small body or dig underneath the cage with a plastic beach shovel.

"Yeah, you're doin' great, Adorabat," said Badgerclops with his mouth full of cookie. "Keep it up."

"_Grrr_! Why don't you help me!?" Adorabat snapped back.

Mao Mao stepped into the light of the screen. Both Adorabat and Badgerclops turned shocked faces to their friend as if they were staring right at a ghost.

On the television screen the announcer cried, "K. O.!" But no one heeded it.

"Mao Mao?" Badgerclops asked prying the bars apart rather easily as he stepped out into the rain to see Mao Mao up close.

"Hey, guys," Mao Mao muttered awkwardly. "What're y'all doin' exactly? I just got rid of the Sky Pirates and—"

"_MAO MAO_!" shrieked Adorabat; she flung her body onto the side of his head in a tight embrace.

"Dude! Like, where have you been?" demanded Badgerclops, but he soon was grabbing Mao Mao too.

Together the three guardians of Pure Heart Valley had a great team hug.

"Well, it's kind of a long story," said Mao Moa once Adorabat was on his shoulder more than on his face. "I guess we can talk about it outa the rain, though." He frowned and his eyes shifted to the cage. "Badgerclops?"

"Yeah?"

"Is that a game with a hacked Purpluigi in it?"

Badgerclops grinned hopefully and very broadly, "Yeah!?"

Mao Mao's eyes lowered with disapproval as the hug broke up.

"We're not bringing that," said Mao Mao quickly.

"_Aw man_…" grumbled Badgerclops, but he did not push about it.

Instead they all three headed towards Pure Heart Valley. When they reached the Sheriff's Office, none of them seemed to think it strange that the lights were on inside. But then Adorabat and Badgerclops were so excited to see Mao Mao alive that they had forgotten to tell the cat that the Sky Pirate's ship still had his Aero-Cycle and half the possessions of Pure Heart Valley too. They were all just happy that the rain had stopped and that the moon was shining. Most of all they were happy that they were together again. They were laughing and joking about all that had happened as Mao Mao opened the front door and they stepped inside.

Then Mao Mao stopped abruptly to see leisurely on the couch Pinky dressed in a Western outfit glaring at them as he looked up from the TV. Canned laughter echoed from an ancient sitcom rerun.

"Whadya want? It's too late for sheriff's work at this hour!" growled Pinky impatiently. "Take it somewhere else."

Mao Mao bristled. His green eyes narrowed. Throwing back his head and his arms, he shouted furiously with a stomp of his foot, "_Get outa my Sheriff's Office!_"

OWARI


End file.
